For the first time in my life I feel like I am okay with not knowing. I am okay with not having a plan. I’ve experienced so much over the past year. Living in Miami has taught me a lot. It has taught me that life is more about how your living than where you are, what you have and so many other external factors. When I had decided to move here I thought that somehow because I would be living near the beach, in a bustling city that I would somehow just become a different person, the person that I was meant to be. But all of those things don’t really matter. What matters is what is happening within yourself. It may be true that I spend more time in sun with my toes in the sand and I meet such a wonderful mix of people from all over the country and the world. I’ve experienced a completely different lifestyle here. But I have learned that change is marked by what is happening within you, it is not marked by where you are living or who you are with. Those are all experiences you can choose to embrace, but it doesn’t mean you’ll become the person you’ve always dreamed of being. For that, you have to put in the work.
I know I am not the only person who has made the mistake of thinking this way. I had to learn that the person I thought I was meant to become was just this outward expression of what I had wished was happening within. I thought that if I just moved to the right city, had the right job, met the right kind of people, that it would all mean I was instantly living my dream life. But for that, you actually have to put in the work.
When I had first moved to Miami in April I was so proud of myself for being brave enough to do something different and step out of my comfort zone, Miami was my new home. By June I had felt so lucky to be able to spend so much time at the beach I thought I would never live any further than 5 miles from the ocean for as long as I live. This place was my forever. But by October I became sick of the heat and thought this isn’t right, I need to live somewhere that has a change of seasons, there is some other place that I am meant to be. And then in December I missed the snow and thought without it it will never again feel like the most wonderful time of the year. But in January I stopped. Why did this place have to be for forever for me to enjoy it? Why was I searching for my forever in the first place? Does it even really matter? I realized that all of these things were just experiences. Living in a bustling city, going to the beach, wearing shorts in November, decorating palm trees with Christmas lights. Why was I letting the where and how long get in the way of just enjoying and being grateful for this moment? I can live by the beach and be just as happy as I may be living near snow covered mountains. And quite honestly I actually love that it doesn’t matter now, there is a freedom in that. Life changes all the time, sometimes it is planned sometimes it is not and loving each experience for what it is is how you choose your own happiness. It is how you greet life’s experiences that matter, not the experiences themselves. I think the unknown is beautiful and because I am longer clinging to a place or person or thing for happiness I am in complete control of my own life. Embracing the unknown has lifted a weight off my shoulders, I wish I had done this much sooner.